Suzi says...

OK, what she actually says is "God loves my art", I added the ugly. I'm having one of those weeks. PMS. I'm pretty sure only chicks read my blog, so there won't be any jerks rolling their eyes about that. PMS makes me really tired. Ridiculously tired and unmotivated and uncreative and cranky and borderline depressed. My friend Kelly calls it "circling the drain" because if I'm not careful it's too easy to just slide into the black hole and spend days doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching Lie To Me because my arms feel too heavy to do anything but press the A button on my Wii remote.

But if I can just remember - Oh, yeah. It's "that" time. Then I can make myself pick up the pen and doodle a tree and an eyeball. Apparently my friends and I are obsessed with eyeballs. Guess what? Even my ugly trees and stupid flowers are art because I say they are and no one else's opinion matters. So I made art today and me and God love it.

I love you

Lonely? Or just alone?

It's always been strange to me that some people can't seem to stand their own company. What's bad about being alone? Right now my husband is sitting to close to me on the couch and my son is sitting at the table quacking while he does a puzzle. But today they went to a Twins game and I got to spent LOTS of time alone. It was AWESOME. I used to be one of those people who would see someone sitting alone at a restaurant or a movie and think "How sad, don't they have any friends?" But now there is NOTHING like a few hours of my own company.

First I ate Wendy's, then I went to Starbucks just to sit and play on my Netbook (yes, I could have done that at home, but this was better), then I went to Barnes & Noble (my favorite place in the whole world) where I bought a book and read it while I ate chocolate cheesecake and drank frappuccino.

And I thought about going to see a movie because I LOVE going alone, but there's nothing out that I want to see. Just wait until HP7-2 come out!! After B&N my boys picked me up and we all came home. I took a bath, we ate, and now they're too close and too loud and adorable. :)

Boo-boo Eye

Gross, right? It's not pink eye, it doesn't itch (I've had pink eye tons of times and it's gooey and itchy). I think it's just from my contact irritating it. Still gross and it hurts!

You remember that four-color pen you had in fourth grade? You know you loved it. I loved it, too. Kelly recently reminded me about them and I had to go to Office Max for one!! I drew these girls with it today!

Easter Eggs!

I've mentioned before that my BFF lives in London and today we were dyeing Easter eggs on skype with her. Her boyfriend came home and told us he'd NEVER done that before!! No egg-dying in Ireland! Who knew? Well, I guess lots of Irish people, but I didn't know it was a US thing. I gotta say, holidays seem a lot more fun in the States.

A wedding...

Nope, not mine. Got married awhile ago. My best friend is getting married next year and I made her this little planner! (OK, I bought the book itself and just decorated it, but still.)

Here's the cover:

Inside the cover I put this pocket:She's getting married in a castle, so here's the ceremony divider page:Food/cake:Flowers:

Music:

Budget (it's ledger paper!!):

Reception (they kind of look like they're dancing, no?):

Gift list (for thank yous):

Guests (cause crap has to be mailed):

Photo/video:

Clothing:

Miscellaneous:

I hope she likes it!! By the way, if anyone knows of a videographer in Cork (Ireland) who will stream the wedding live online, could you hook me up? Thanks!

You Suck Monday

Today I sucked at Paperclay! It's going to be a doll, maybe. Or maybe it's not going to be anything.

Here is the head:

(It's full of aluminum foil)

I shoved a skewer in it to make it a little more stable and gave it a neck:

Then I used the rest of the paperclay to make it a body. Sort of.

Who knows if I'll ever touch it again? The point is, it''s something I've never done before and it was fun!!

Oh, HELLO. I almost forgot! We've started a YSM blog!! We'd really like for other people to play along on YSM. It's new, so it's in the introductory phase right now, but you could check it out anyway.

Fractured, pulled, torn...

I never know if it's just ME. If my feelings are strange. Odd. Outside the norm. I always assume they are. Something I've known for a very long time is that I need ALONE TIME. I've tried to explain to my husband that it has nothing to do with him, but it still insults him when I tell him I just need to be alone.

I don't care if this is a selfish need. It's not just something I want. I am not the same person when I don't get time to myself. That feeling when Indigo is a tidal wave about to crash over my head and suck me down into the Black Hole of depression - most of the time all I need is to be ALONE for awhile and it recedes.

I need time when I don't belong to anyone. There is no title attached to me. I HATE being referred to as "Tim's wife" or "Liam's mom". I don't like being introduced as "my wife, Goog". Just say my name and let the wedding rings speak for themselves. Who else would I be?
The problem with zero alone time is I can't think when someone else is talking. If you're talking, I'm listening to you. If I'm trying to think and you start talking, I completely forget what I was thinking about.
Now, I'm not curing cancer or solving world hunger. All I'm doing is raising one small human and trying to maintain some semblance of order in one small apartment. But I am not someone who finds staying at home "rewarding" or "fulfilling" or whatever it is I'm supposed to find it. We just can't afford day care.

This is how life often feels for me:

It's so hard for me to explain but I'm going to try: I hate watching TV/movies with people because they often look at me when they laugh to see if I'm laughing, too. (I'm usually not.)

I have nothing to say about Pop Culture. Zero. I could maybe name ten actors/actresses off the top of my head. I don't watch reality TV - no American Idol, no dancing shows, no housewives.

I only wear clothes that are comfortable and I always have. None of my shoes hurt my feet. I don't ever tell people I like their shirt because they will immediately tell me where they got it and how much they paid for it - why would I care about that?

When someone asks the question "What do you DO?" I often say "About what?" before I realize they're asking what my job is. Why would someone who just met me care about my job? I sure as heck don't care about theirs.

I don't wear makeup. At all. I don't even own any for "special occasions".

People who KNOW me (and would claim that we're "friends") often ask me things like "What are you doing for Easter?" when they KNOW THE ANSWER: nothing. I don't have a care and my husband is a restaurant manager. He will be at work (with the car) and I will be at home with the kid doing nothing. This is also what I will be doing for Memorial Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It seems to me what they want is for me to ask them about their plans so they can talk about their own plans - so why not just start with their own plans?

I don't relate well to other people and I DON'T SEE THIS AS A FLAW. They don't relate well to me either, why should I think it's my fault? But it does make me often feel strange. Fractured. Broken. Like a little superglue might help a bit. Not incorrect or wrong, but just sort of like I wasn't put together quite correctly. Like I belong on the Island of Misfit toys. Got any misfits in your life? If so, send them here so they know they're not alone.

Evolution of a journal page!

I don't know why, but I really had a ton of fun playing with this spread today and I really wanted to share!! (Those of you who aren't IRL friends, be grateful - I text Kelly millions of pictures when I get excited like today!)

First I was watching a YouTube video and the chick was working on this canvas with some book text and paint on it and she drew a little lady on there and I thought "That's cute. I could draw a little me for my journal." But the first thing that came out was this:

TOTALLY not me!!

So I tried again:

That one is MUCH more me!

But I had so much fun gluing down the first one, I couldn't help it - I used the other one, too!

I added some PanPastel - a little green on green. Then I cut a border out of a brown paper lunch bag, and used a toilet paper tube to add some green circles. I was on green overload.

A little bubble wrap action with yet another green:

A little brick wall action, and a few skulls:

And then it was ready for some journaling!! I can't even tell you how much fun this was to do.

A conversation between adults

(Of course! Why would I NOT want to see a picture of her eyeball?)

Kelly

AjaeMe

Guess what? I have NO IDEA why we were taking eyeball pictures. Didn't even think to ask. All three of us have blue eyes, too, which I knew but found interesting today for some reason.

Dear Universe...

Bedhead

Just an early morning doodle...

gave her a little bedhead...

She looks really bright here...

and really washed out here...

and finished here.

That's right, I'm finally actually posting a finished journal page :)

I shaded her face with paint. I've never done that before. I mean, I put paint on the faces sometimes, but this one is ALL paint. I really like how she looks but I'll never be able to replicate it!

Jinx...

My friend Ajae sent this picture to me and a couple of other friends and we're all supposed to use it in our art - something I'm NOT good at is using photos in my journals so I'm going to get better at it!

I wanted to make a girl with the moth on her hand, so I took a picture with my new iPhone4.

And I drew her...

More drawing...

Paint! (I love paint...)

Then I added the moth!

It's probably not finished, but do I ever post anything finished? OK, sometimes I do but not usually.