Self-Discovering

So, you know I recently started working at a restaurant, as a host. And since I work lunch, I work alone. I didn't even know that the dinner shift was more than one host until I worked a double on Black Friday. I HATED it. Working with other hosts was confusing and no one seemed to know what they were supposed to be doing. It was totally stupid. So when the boss man asked if I could stay last Friday, I cringed. I did it, and I realized why I hated working with these people. They WHINE. The servers whine about their sections. They whine when we're busy and when we're slow. They take every opportunity they have and they complain about it. The hosts are the SAME WAY. One of them pulled something out of the host stand and was totally Valley Girl: "Ew! What is this?" I replied: "Swiffer." Her (squealy): "It's covered in lotion!" Me (calmly): "So, wipe it off." She stuffed it back into the host stand and looked away from me. I took it out yesterday and it was totally fine. No lotion.

This is my fundamental problem with people. I don't rely on outside influences in my life. My feelings are valid simply because I have them. I don't need you to confirm them. I don't have the need for validation. It's not that I don't want friends, it's simply that I'm not good at needing them and that leaves most people confused. If I call/message/text/skype you and you never get back to me, I forgot I ever called you in the first place. It doesn't hurt me. Not even a little bit. Most likely because I wasn't calling you for validation. I probably saw a stupid bumper sticker or a Star Wars meme or a funny commercial and I wanted to laugh about it with you. Or laugh while I tried to tell you about it and had you not understand me but start laughing anyway because I was laughing so hard. Remember high school friends? How you could peel off your makeup and lounge in your pajamas and eat greasy food and laugh till your stomach hurt? Do you remember sitting so close to your friends that your thighs were pressed together on the school bus and how no subject was off-limits to talk about? Friends were like magnets, you were pulled together the instant you spotted them in the lunch line, at the bus stop, in the classroom. When you saw them, you were SO RELIEVED that there was someone you knew, someone you liked. Then you grow up and you start to think "Will Becky think my hair is too shiny? Will she notice that my purse doesn't match my shoes? I can't wait to tell her about my new iPad." Instead of "Thank god, there's Becky, I can't wait to tell her about how I fell on my ass yesterday in the snow and how my ass cheek has a huge purple bruise on it." No, you'll sit carefully and lie about how everything is fine and how life is grand and you love everything about it. And so Becky will lie and say the same things because GOD FORBID anyone finds out that maybe your husband isn't the perfect man and your kids drive you crazy and you wish you hadn't given up your career or that you had given it up or that you like espresso and dark beer even though all your friends get half-caf lattes and Corona.

I'm babbling. What else is new? In case you wondered, I do NOT have the perfect life. It's just my life. I make $8/hour, I'm 32 years old, and I'm going to graduate from college (for the first time ever) in six months. My son is creative and amazing but he's five and can drive me crazy, my husband is a man (that's really enough to say, isn't it?). I would rather be friend-less than fake. I don't watch TV, movies are too long for my attention span, and I love video games but I'm too cheap to buy them new. That's me in a nutshell. (Help, I'm in a nutshell!)