Stupid Happy

This is just in my Cheap Thoughts Journal. I was talking on the phone and doodling. I mentioned to Kelly how something made me "stupid happy" and she decided she wanted to be stupid happy, too!

I drew/doodled this with a black glaze pen - zero forgiveness there. If you've never tried drawing with something you can't erase, I wish you would! It's fun and see how stupid my little bee is? And the flower petals are all silly? Nobody cares! Not even me!!

Then I colored them in with these smelly glittery gel pens I have. They're good times!

Rain Drops - In Progress

I know, I know, I always show things in progress and rarely show them finished - I'm trying to break that habit, I swear! This painting was something I wanted to start but I had no idea what I wanted it to be when it was finished. I have an idea now, but I'm not sure whether I'll stick with it or not. We'll see. Either way, I promise to show it when it's finished!!

I started with just warm colors:

Another layer of them, I like warm colors!

And then a layer of cool colors:

There are a lot of raindrops (or teardrops, I guess) in my work these days. It's not really a conscious thing, I feel the urge to draw them or paint them, so I do. They sometimes show at the end and sometimes don't. For now, I'm just going with the raindrop theme. 

Journal!

OK, I admit it, it's two journals!! Blick's was having a sale or something and I got a lot of paper. I couldn't resist! I think I like square journals better than rectangular ones. I'm not sure. You know me, I'm the pickiest journaler ever. I'm going to try working in a couple of 8x8 journals for a while and see if I love them or not.

So I tore:

And folded:

And poked holes:

And stitched!

Face

So many times in my journal I just draw a face, shade it a little, and let it be. Is this face "finished"? I guess not, but I'm done with it!

Blogathon

So, Effy Wild issued a kind of challenge that I'm choosing to see as an opportunity instead.  I used to blog every day. Before. I haven't been because it seemed too "Before" and I don't live in Before anymore. I'm in After. After the world changes and everything is different and I haven't felt like doing Before things. I'm not sure if I want to keep blogging anymore or not, so this is going to be a test.

It might be hard for me, because babbling has always been one of my natural talents. Random thoughts, stupid questions, things I have to Google because I just can't stop myself. But the person I used to share all of this useless knowledge with isn't there anymore and what's always been pointless now FEELS pointless. The question now is: can I fake it 'til I make it? I just don't know.

On that note, a piece of digital art:

Making sense of things...

I just don't know how. I don't even know how to explain how I feel these days. I feel like a different person. The world feels like a different place.

Grief counseling, people tell me, is what I need. Well, they offer it if you've lost a child. Or a parent. Or a spouse. But a friend? Not so much. I find this so confusing. I mean, people have friendships, don't they? Close ones? People they talk to, text, skype with every day? She lived in Ireland and I lived in Minnesota. I talked to her every day. We opened Christmas presents over skype. Colored Easter eggs. Folded laundry. Watched movies together. I can't even begin to explain the void. It's not like a vacuum of space, they suck things up. It's not like a piece of me is missing. A piece of me IS missing.

We used to joke about how if one of us was a guy, we would have gotten married years ago. We were soul mates. I can't comprehend the rest of my life, navigating this world alone. I'm moving back to New York (I'm actually there now, my grandmother died last week). I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm going apartment hunting this week. On Thursday it will be four months exactly that she's been gone and it's my 33rd birthday.

I miss my friend. I read the grief blogs and they are ALL about losing children or spouses. Maybe people don't have friendships like me and Tami had. I don't know. Nothing makes sense these days.

I know, I know - are you making art? Of course. Art is the one constant in my life. It comes from me. It's the one thing I have complete control of in my life.

Google Plus Test

I'm just testing this to see if it's going to work!