Thursday, August 1, 2013


So, Effy Wild issued a kind of challenge that I'm choosing to see as an opportunity instead.  I used to blog every day. Before. I haven't been because it seemed too "Before" and I don't live in Before anymore. I'm in After. After the world changes and everything is different and I haven't felt like doing Before things. I'm not sure if I want to keep blogging anymore or not, so this is going to be a test.

It might be hard for me, because babbling has always been one of my natural talents. Random thoughts, stupid questions, things I have to Google because I just can't stop myself. But the person I used to share all of this useless knowledge with isn't there anymore and what's always been pointless now FEELS pointless. The question now is: can I fake it 'til I make it? I just don't know.

On that note, a piece of digital art:


  1. i'm so sorry for the loss of your time, i hope that peace will find your heart.

    faking it sometimes helps...but mostly, i think you have to sit with it.

    perhaps writing about it here will help...

    much love to you...xo

  2. Losing a friend is terrible, but you are here... where ever here is. This is your opportunity to not fake it, hiding will only hurt you in the end. Keep writing, it is you blog, write as much or as little as you desire. Most important, give yourself the opportunity of discovering who you are!!!!
    Big Hug!

  3. I so understand your 'Before' and 'After.' Different circumstances, but there is a clear line from Then to Now. For what little words can comfort, you have my condolences. For what little solace can be found, I hope you can drink it in from the Tribe of us.

    1. Thank you, Becky. People think that the simple things they do don't help, but they do. They really do. For every single "I'm sorry for your loss", I know someone is thinking about me or her or someone they love. It helps.

  4. I'm so sorry for your grief. :( Faking it feels *awful*, but sometimes ya gotta. Sucks, though. :(

  5. I lost my brother in 2004 - still hurts. People will tell you 'it takes time' and the 'first year is hell'. Both are true - but the time is your own personal time ... the first year was hell but so wasn't the second and third and on and on. Just when you think you cannot take anymore you begin to take real real real joy in the memories. You laugh at the fun memories and you don't end up crying - just thinking of the next fun memory. It will sneak up on you when you least expect it and it may take a real long time to really see the joy and really feel the wonder and beautiful world without pain. Faking it for now is ok - not easy but it will eventually help you move forward. Grief is so personal - embrace it but every day try to think of the beauty in life and her beauty in your life. That is never lost. (My brother was my best friend too - and the only person in my life who really understood me)

  6. I still put comments on my friend's wall, and whenever I find a photo of her or us, I post it and tell her I miss her. It hasn't even been a year, but I'm not feeling it any less.

    I'm sorry you hurt, and you dont' have to fake it here.