The Art of Friendship

Suzi asked me if I'd like to write an article for her newsletter, about my friend Tami. I was completely honored. I would LOVE for you to go to her blog and download the newsletter so you can read it. It's called The Art of Friendship and Suzi's blog is here.

Stupid Happy

This is just in my Cheap Thoughts Journal. I was talking on the phone and doodling. I mentioned to Kelly how something made me "stupid happy" and she decided she wanted to be stupid happy, too!

I drew/doodled this with a black glaze pen - zero forgiveness there. If you've never tried drawing with something you can't erase, I wish you would! It's fun and see how stupid my little bee is? And the flower petals are all silly? Nobody cares! Not even me!!

Then I colored them in with these smelly glittery gel pens I have. They're good times!

Rain Drops - In Progress

I know, I know, I always show things in progress and rarely show them finished - I'm trying to break that habit, I swear! This painting was something I wanted to start but I had no idea what I wanted it to be when it was finished. I have an idea now, but I'm not sure whether I'll stick with it or not. We'll see. Either way, I promise to show it when it's finished!!

I started with just warm colors:

Another layer of them, I like warm colors!

And then a layer of cool colors:

There are a lot of raindrops (or teardrops, I guess) in my work these days. It's not really a conscious thing, I feel the urge to draw them or paint them, so I do. They sometimes show at the end and sometimes don't. For now, I'm just going with the raindrop theme. 

Journal!

OK, I admit it, it's two journals!! Blick's was having a sale or something and I got a lot of paper. I couldn't resist! I think I like square journals better than rectangular ones. I'm not sure. You know me, I'm the pickiest journaler ever. I'm going to try working in a couple of 8x8 journals for a while and see if I love them or not.

So I tore:

And folded:

And poked holes:

And stitched!

Face

So many times in my journal I just draw a face, shade it a little, and let it be. Is this face "finished"? I guess not, but I'm done with it!

Blogathon

So, Effy Wild issued a kind of challenge that I'm choosing to see as an opportunity instead.  I used to blog every day. Before. I haven't been because it seemed too "Before" and I don't live in Before anymore. I'm in After. After the world changes and everything is different and I haven't felt like doing Before things. I'm not sure if I want to keep blogging anymore or not, so this is going to be a test.

It might be hard for me, because babbling has always been one of my natural talents. Random thoughts, stupid questions, things I have to Google because I just can't stop myself. But the person I used to share all of this useless knowledge with isn't there anymore and what's always been pointless now FEELS pointless. The question now is: can I fake it 'til I make it? I just don't know.

On that note, a piece of digital art:

Making sense of things...

I just don't know how. I don't even know how to explain how I feel these days. I feel like a different person. The world feels like a different place.

Grief counseling, people tell me, is what I need. Well, they offer it if you've lost a child. Or a parent. Or a spouse. But a friend? Not so much. I find this so confusing. I mean, people have friendships, don't they? Close ones? People they talk to, text, skype with every day? She lived in Ireland and I lived in Minnesota. I talked to her every day. We opened Christmas presents over skype. Colored Easter eggs. Folded laundry. Watched movies together. I can't even begin to explain the void. It's not like a vacuum of space, they suck things up. It's not like a piece of me is missing. A piece of me IS missing.

We used to joke about how if one of us was a guy, we would have gotten married years ago. We were soul mates. I can't comprehend the rest of my life, navigating this world alone. I'm moving back to New York (I'm actually there now, my grandmother died last week). I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm going apartment hunting this week. On Thursday it will be four months exactly that she's been gone and it's my 33rd birthday.

I miss my friend. I read the grief blogs and they are ALL about losing children or spouses. Maybe people don't have friendships like me and Tami had. I don't know. Nothing makes sense these days.

I know, I know - are you making art? Of course. Art is the one constant in my life. It comes from me. It's the one thing I have complete control of in my life.