Friendship

I'm not a good friend. I mean, I assume I'm not because I have so few friends. I don't make friends easily. I'm an introvert. However, I've known my best friend since we were in middle school. She is currently in Ireland and we still manage to talk almost every day. As an adult, I have made four friends. Four people who have my phone number, who have used it, who I text on a regular basis. But one of these friendships was certainly closer than the others. One of these people was someone I thought I could count on. Until two days ago. Now, the shocking betrayal of this particular friend has rocked my world in a way I simply wasn't prepared for. There has never been a person in my life who hasn't let me down. Not ever. I had a disturbing childhood (not horrific, but certainly something none of you want to hear about). At 32 years old, the apartment that I've lived in for the past four years in Eden Prairie, MN is the longest I've ever lived anywhere. I have no had a lot of stability in my life. I don't trust easily. I am very guarded. But with this friend, there was instant connection. I don't believe in signs, but if I did, I would say that the reason I moved to Minnesota was to meet her. Now, all I feel is stupid. Why did I trust so easily? Why am I so surprised to be hurt? How is it possible that I put myself in a position to be hurt like this? I haven't slept in two nights because these thoughts tumble around in my head and they just don't make sense to me. There is no one to blame but myself, of course. I'm an idiot.