Only Human

Sometimes I get caught up in people's expectations. I "have to" do this, go there, be whatever. Not lately. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, changed for me when Tami died. I am only one person. I have thoughts and feelings and they are valid and they matter. I left a family party abruptly on 8/25 - it was exactly five months since I lost my friend, I was at a cousin's house who I called when their dog died and who didn't reach out to me at all when my friend did, and I'd been there for three and a half hours. I left without saying good bye, without saying thank you...I just left. And it's OK. It's totally fine. I don't even care what they think. I needed to leave and I did. I needed to curl up on the couch and cry and watch the white butterflies outside my window and I did. I needed to journal and I did. No one has to understand me or my life or my grief. No one has to accept it. They can be angry, think I'm "wrong", think whatever they want. I can't care. I just can't. I am getting through one day, one hour, one minute at a time and it's OK.