OK, bloggy people. I need your help. I fucking hate blenders. I hate them. But I love smoothies. So for YEARS I've fought with the damn things. Everyone says the reason my fucking blenders never work the way I want them to is because I'm cheap. It's true - I am cheap. Why pay hundreds of dollars when I can get the same thing for $20? I don't like to cook. I just want to make smoothies in the damn thing. I got an off-brand version of the magic bullet - it sucked. I finally gave in and spent $50 on a Black and Decker - it fucking SUCKS. I'm over it. If there is a blender out there that I can just put crap in and it will blend ALL BY ITSELF, I wanna know about it.
Hear me out - I do NOT want to EVER have to stop it, open the top, and stir. NEVER. Just like when I'm asking about white pens and people say "Oh, if you go over it a couple of times, it's totally opaque." I don't WANT to do that. I want to write ONE TIME and have it work the way I want it to. Same with the blender. No stirring. I want to put frozen fruit, almond milk, and a shitload of ice in the goddamn thing and have it make a freaking smoothie. NO STIRRING. Would a margarita maker work better? I'm throwing my blender out, that way I won't keep having the urge to make smoothies. Fuck trying to be healthy. I'm just going to sit here and drink my coffee while I wait for my bacon to cook.