A realization (warning: this it a rant)

I realized something about me today. One of the (many) reasons that I don't like people. First impressions. My son started school Monday. It's preschool, a program called "School Readiness" and he went last year, too. I love the program, I love his teacher, and last year I loved his bus driver. The man was always telling me what an amazing kid I had and what a great parent I must be. (Stop laughing!!)

You see where ALL those days say Pick-up at 9:24? I crossed out the top one and wrote 9:20 after my first encounter with her today. We went out to the bus stop at 9:22 and sat. Waited. When she finally came, LATE, she lectured me about how she'd already "left without him" and how if we're late she's not going to wait and blah, blah, blah - and then tells me I'm wrong, that my pick-up time is 9:20. No, bitch, it's not. CLEARLY someone's signals are crossed. Now - I feed my son more sugar than is healthy. I don't make him take a bath every single day. He often sleeps in a t-shirt instead of proper pajamas. Sometimes we have popcorn instead of dinner. I am NOT mother of the year. But you know what else I'm not? Late. Ever. I am NEVER late. Not for appointments, not for school, not for work, meetings, whatever the fuck I have to be at, I am ALWAYS ridiculously early. I'm the person who has to sit in their car for thirty minutes so they're not 45 minutes early for a job interview. Needless to say, I was pissed. I wrote her supervisor an email. THEN, even after I checked the transportation website and it said the busses were running on time, she dropped him off fifteen minutes late. That's a LONG TIME for a 2.5 hour school day. Here's the real kicker - she apologized to me and said that they switched Liam's pick-up time with another kid. Fine. But no one TOLD ME THAT. So guess what? Not my fault.

This one incident will leave a bad taste in my mouth about this woman. I will never like her. Because the first time I ever met her, she was disrespectful. Yes, she apologized. You know what? I don't think people get props for that. I think you should THINK about what you're about to spew onto somebody else BEFORE you let it fly. And if it's really necessary - then do it and you won't NEED to apologize. I won't apologize if she finds out that I complained about her. She deserved it. The pickup time screw up wasn't her fault - but it wasn't mine either, and she handled it badly.

THIS is my problem with people. You can't take back what you said. It's out there. An apology is not an eraser, it's a band-aid. I hate when my husband is an asshole and then apologizes. That doesn't change what happened. At all. It doesn't make me feel better. Apologies make the person ISSUING them feel better, NOT the mistreated person.