Do you know what an introvert is?

I didn't. Seven or so years ago, I was the bookkeeper for a small company in a small town in Florida. My boss had a son a couple of years younger than me who used to come and hang out in my office. I'd do my thing and he'd do his and we'd talk or not talk. One day he was talking about an article he'd read that he thought I would like called "Caring for your introvert". I don't know if I ever read it, I probably did (I like to read things). It was the first time someone had ever called me an introvert.

When I was growing up, my mom, brother, and stepfather always seemed to go out of their way to make me feel like an oddball. Sometimes I'd rather stay home than go out - especially if everyone else in the house is going out!! I need time to myself. Uninterrupted thinking time. I don't need constant stimulation. I'm totally fine sitting in complete silence - whether you're there or not. I read in the car mostly so I don't have to talk to the other people in the car. Spending time with people is draining for me. It has NOTHING to do with the person or people I'm with, it's just the nature of the beast.

When I was twenty-eight years old I met Kelly. Kelly told me that I'm a square peg and the world is made up of round holes. She describes introversion as having a "rich inner landscape" where "there's no room for other people". How's that for a kick in the ass? I'm not strange, like my family would have you think. I simply have a rich inner landscape. Guess what that means, people? You're not strange, either!! There is NOTHING wrong with you! Good news, huh?

Filling my inner landscape up with mudslides...

Raindrops

I'm actually showing you a FINISHED journal page! I know, I never do that, I just tease you with the started and half-finished ones. Anyway, there's a stencil out there in the art world that is big, giant raindrops and I keep thinking to myself - why would you buy that? It's ten or fifteen teardrop shapes cut into a thin piece of plastic. So I was planning to make it (and I still might) but for now I carved one giant raindrop stamp!

Copper Boom!

Pen Journal pages...

So, I know lots of people start journal pages one day and work on them several times until they're "finished", but I'm not really into that. I'm kind of a one-time-deal chick. I did intend to fill these pages in more, but this is what I got done that day, and I think that's all she wrote!

Mini Album!

Suzi was over a couple of weeks ago and I cut and bound something for her, and it was only eight inches square, so there was a little leftover piece of plastic coil and I immediately thought it was the PERFECT size for coasters!! I know I'm probably the only person on the planet who makes scrapbooks from these, but I can't help it!! I had all these leftover strips of paper because I also made something that was eight inches square, and the coasters are four inches!! How perfect is that?!? So I made a teeny little book :)

That is ALL of the pages - you know you wanted to see them all - and the back. I'm thinking I'll try and fill it with pictures when my mom comes to visit. My pogo prints 2x3 sticky photos, so they'll be a good size. 

Fairy doodles

New Journal (again!)

I have this new BIG journal and the pages are kind of thin. I think I'm going to just doodle in it in pen for a while and see how that goes.

Feeling Tender

Is just not something I'm used to...this song makes me feel good, I don't know why.

Friendship

I'm not a good friend. I mean, I assume I'm not because I have so few friends. I don't make friends easily. I'm an introvert. However, I've known my best friend since we were in middle school. She is currently in Ireland and we still manage to talk almost every day. As an adult, I have made four friends. Four people who have my phone number, who have used it, who I text on a regular basis. But one of these friendships was certainly closer than the others. One of these people was someone I thought I could count on. Until two days ago. Now, the shocking betrayal of this particular friend has rocked my world in a way I simply wasn't prepared for. There has never been a person in my life who hasn't let me down. Not ever. I had a disturbing childhood (not horrific, but certainly something none of you want to hear about). At 32 years old, the apartment that I've lived in for the past four years in Eden Prairie, MN is the longest I've ever lived anywhere. I have no had a lot of stability in my life. I don't trust easily. I am very guarded. But with this friend, there was instant connection. I don't believe in signs, but if I did, I would say that the reason I moved to Minnesota was to meet her. Now, all I feel is stupid. Why did I trust so easily? Why am I so surprised to be hurt? How is it possible that I put myself in a position to be hurt like this? I haven't slept in two nights because these thoughts tumble around in my head and they just don't make sense to me. There is no one to blame but myself, of course. I'm an idiot.

Stamps!

I have a friend (OK, three friends) who are constantly encouraging me to teach classes. But here is my class teaching issue: I don't feel like I have anything to teach people. Other than drawing (which I learned from Suzi Blu), most of the stuff I do is just stuff I've figured out. Last night when I was carving stamps, I thought about this in depth. The process for stamp carving is so EASY. Buy rubber, buy carving tool, draw something on the rubber, use tool to carve. What is there to TEACH someone? Kelly is so funny when I'm carving she says I'm working my magic. But seriously it's EASY. Why would you need me to teach you something so easy??

This is the pencil I use - it's the same one I use for drawing, shading, math class. I LOVE this pencil. It fits perfectly in my hand. Unfortunately it costs more than I like to pay for pencils. $6 for two at Target.

This is the tool I use. It's a Speedball, but Blick also makes one and it costs about $3 less than this one.

This is the rubber I use. It's Blick's brand and it comes just like this - no wrapper, no tags, no price stickers.

Then I do one of two things. Either I draw or print out what I'm going to carve on a piece of plain old printer paper, then trace it with a pencil and burnish it onto the rubber - usually with my phone - OR I draw right onto the rubber with a ball point pen. Perfection is NOT something I strive for. Ever. This one is for Kelly :)

I didn't stamp with Kelly's stamp because that seemed wrong, but here's a finished and stamped one!

Is that teaching? What questions could there possibly be? Draw, carve, stamp. 

The Digital Age

It's the Digital Age, people, and it's time to jump on board. I LOVE technology. I love it. My computer is on my lap MOST of the time. I love instant gratification when I have a question, I love shopping online. I love digital cameras and I learning a new program. I have some programming knowledge and have created some simple programs. I've been a beta-tester for web sites and I've had an iPhone since 2009. I have Facebook and get a LOT of my family news that way, and have reconnected with friends that way. I share my son with my family on facebook and/or through email. The ONLY friends I've ever made as an adult, I met FIRST online and THEN in real life. My son uses my netbook to skype with my mom nearly every day. I send thousands of text messages a month. Thousands.

Anyway, this is supposed to be about this little device:

It's a Nook Simple Touch. I have one (and the original Nook). Now, LOTS of people are saying things like "Why would I want a device that only does ONE thing?" Oh, you mean like a camera that only takes photos? Or a phone that only makes phone calls?

The fantastic thing about this eReader is that it's not back lit like your computer screen is. It looks just like you're reading a book. It's not black and white, it's dark gray and off-white, like book pages. The print is NOT smaller than a book. The books I read on it are NOT of less value than if I was holding a piece of paper in my hand. HOWEVER - the books are CHEAPER, sometimes by $10 or $15, it holds THOUSANDS of them, unlike the five overcrowded bookshelves I have at home, I can check out library books and not worry about returning them late, AND when I travel I can take ALL of my favorite books with my. This thing is SMALL. I take it to school and read on my breaks, I take it with me pretty much everywhere. NO, it doesn't light up - neither does a book! I have a book light for it. There are no games or apps for this device. It doesn't play music or send text messages. It's JUST BOOKS. Why do little old men keep questioning this like I'm sitting playing angry birds for three hours? I'm READING with it, dudes. BOOKS. They don't like it because it's electronic? Seriously? How does that make any sense? I'm not trying to push you into buying the thing - I just want to stop defending myself for using it. I LOVE it.

Something new in the works...

What shall it be? You'll see when it's all finished and ready! In the mean time, here are some of its insides!

Hm...

C-Faces Play Date

Journal pages in progress

I was trying to paint the face in funky colors but I'm not quite ready for that, so I'm going to keep gessoing  over the white part until it's ready for my prismacolors. I hate feeling "stuck" like that, you know? Like I want to do something different, but I can't quite figure it out on my own. I really want to find someone who offers an affordable class that will teach me to PAINT a face. Just paint, nothing else. 

Moley face :)

Her features are a little crookedy, but she's drawn with purple Sharpie so I can't fix it! One of the reasons I like drawing with pen is the "can't fix it" angle. I don't know why but I like that.

NON-Alcohol Sprays

OK, so since there's been some concern from our peeps about inhaling the alcohol from the sprays that I love. I don't feel like it's a viable concern, AND I don't usually like using water soluble stuff in my work because it's water soluble. (I know, I know - DUH, Goog!) But since I know some of you DO think it's a viable concern, for you I have made these new sprays. Honestly, I didn't think I would like them. I didn't expect them to be vibrant enough, I didn't think the colors would make me happy at all. See how dedicated I am to you? Anyway, I got two types of Caryola markers because they're non-toxic. (In case you're wondering, ALL Crayola products are non-toxic and yes I do know that for a fact and yes I did have a reason to request that information from Crayola.) Non-toxic pretty much screams "water-based", so I figured all of these markers would work with water, rather than alcohol, to draw out the color from the tube inside the markers.

I bought these ones because I thought since they're fabric markers they might be permanent.

 Still non-toxic, see?

And sprays :) 

I also did the normal Crayolas:

Also non-toxic:

And all made into sprays:

Bottom line: they are RIDICULOUSLY vibrant, especially the original crayolas, and they are ALL permanent when sprayed on Stonhenge printmaking paper. The reason I'm qualifying the paper to you is because I know things can react differently on different papers. My wonderful friend Kelly insisted to me that Glimmer Mist is water soluble, but the three regular ones and one chalkboard on that I have are NOT - could be the paper that I use.

There is ONE con. Water takes longer to dry than alcohol, so the spray has more time to absorb into the paper. If you're just looking for color, or you don't mind the non-crisp result, and you're afraid of alcohol, these are the perfect solution for you. If you need a crisp spray from your stencil, you're going to want to stick with alcohol because it dries a lot faster.

Here's an example with the water sprays:

It's a very cool teal sprayed over yellow. The paper was pretty wet at the time, and it's actually the reverse of a stencil - so, I actually sprayed through to get the alphabet and then flipped it over to get the leftover. This is the leftover and it's not horrible, but it's certainly not a very crisp result, either. So, it's really going to depend on what you're looking for. I think the alcohol isn't that big of a deal, I doubt anyone is going to sit and work at their table until they're sick from alcohol sprays, but why take a chance if you don't have to? 

Ready Dready

Made with Take My Picture by Just Jaimee

Astounding Stupidity and Mother's Day

I am NOT my husband's mother. Nor am I the mother of any of my friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, or my parents. That DOES NOT MEAN that these people aren't going to call me and wish me a happy Mother's Day. I told my husband that since I squeezed a person out of my vagina I want chocolate for Mother's Day. Hubby is SUPER sentimental and sappy and he almost gave away his tickets to the Twins game on Mother's Day - I told him he was being ridiculous, that I would LOVE to be alone with copious amounts of chocolate on Mother's Day. (He's a season ticket holder, so it wouldn't have been a huge deal to give them away, but really, there was no need.)

Please feel free to copy and post this anywhere MEN might be reading it: Mother's Day is for mothers. ALL mothers. Not only YOUR mother, dumbass. The "You're not my mother" bullshit doesn't fly in my house. My stepdad celebrates MY mother on Mother's Day. She is not his mother. He wasn't married to her until my brother and I were both adults. She did NOT give birth to any children of his. He celebrates his mother, his sister, me. We're mothers. All of us.

There's the reason I get to celebrate Mother's Day right there!

Letting Go

I tossed and turned most of last night. I read, of course, and got up a few times to play on the computer. I'm not a good sleeper as it is, and when something is on my mind, it's worse. Something was bothering me last night and it was just looping around and around in my head. I get physically tense when I'm trying to sleep, too - I clench my jaw and my fists, and have to keep reminding myself to relax, relax, relax. So, last night I'm having a conversation with someone in my head - over and over. I'm rewording and figuring out how to say what I need to say without hurting anyone's feelings and it's 2am and finally I decide to just let it go. Let it go. Every single time someone irritates me does NOT have to be confrontational. And it was like a light switch. I instantly felt better. INSTANTLY. Peace. Like magic. It was very cool, and I was able to finish my book and go to sleep.

29 Face - I lost count...9, maybe?

Can you see the fingerprints? There's a brown one in the middle of her forehead and a blue one near her eye. Awesome, huh? She's feeling a little insecure...

29 Faces - #5-8

School doodles - ALL FACES COUNT!

Sketchbook, pen - just doodling about my day.

She's right in the middle of my notes!

Ha! This one is TEENY! I was just making thumbnails about my day - Suzi came over to watch Liam :) 

 Another sketchy girl - economics was EXTRA boring tonight...

For Samuel

I don't know who Samuel is, that's the name of the kit! It's by One of a Kind Design Studio and the colors rock! My kid has big blue eyes, so I love kits with lots of blue.

Making Time

Is not possible. I firmly believe that time doesn't actually exist at all. It's a meaningless construct that we give to our lives because some people (not me) have this need to quantify every single thing they do. Anyway, time can't be "made". I think people also have the wrong idea of what "wasting" time is. Painting instead of cleaning, spending an hour (or two, or three, or five) skyping with Kelly, sitting my ass on the couch with my sketchbook and some coffee - this is not a waste of time. Last Monday I read three books - fiction, nonsensical, fantasy books. I loved them. That is NOT a waste of time. Feel free to spend your time however you want. But don't suggest that I have MORE TIME in my life because I make art or scrapbook or quilt. There are the same number of hours in my day as in your day. I don't "make" time to do stuff.

I might have posted this page before, but it bears repeating. The kit is from One of a Kind Design Studio.

May Flowers

This is Ahhh Scrap's May collaboration kit, the colors are so pretty. I love all the purple!