In the Dark

I'm so tired of being SICK! It's been over a month now and it's wearing on me. I'm tired of the grumpy indigo-ness that comes with being sick for so long. So when Kelly called and tried to get me to art, I did even though I didn't wanna! This is my "In the Dark" journal, the perfect place to work when I'm feeling like this.

Blah. AND today is You Suck Monday and I won't be there because I have class tonight. I know they don't need me there, but it's a little bit sad to know that you can be the co-founder of something and it can carry on completely without you. You are totally expendable. It makes me sad. Nine more weeks and maybe I'll have class on different nights. I think I'd like more of a MWF kind of thing. Or, even better, I'd like to have ALL the classes in ONE day. 13.5 hours of school all at once, then just studying and reading and homework for the rest of the week. I'm already frazzled because I still have three assignments to do for this week - and I've already done two that are due this week and started on one that's due next week. School is stressful!

First dark journal pages

I drew this in my new dark journal while talking to a friend who's in a dark place. I think she's feeling better at the moment, coming out of it a little, but it was pretty bad this day.

I wrote about it, about her and me and being friends with someone else to struggles. In some ways it's AWESOME to have someone who understands, who goes through these things, too, who really knows what it's like. On the other - I absolutely hate that my friend has to go through the same things because I know what it feels like for me and can imagine it feels horrible for her, too.

So we spent a few hours "together" on skype, drawing and talking about it and it made us both feel a little bit better. Enough to take a shower and function, and sometimes that's all you can ask for.

New tiny journal

I'm not usually a fan of working too small or too large. My ideal journal size is 7 by 10. This one is 4 by 5 and it's hopefully going to be for journaling during the dark times. The Indigo times. The times where I just wanna lay on the couch and watch Bones for three days and you can't stop me or make me brush my teeth.

One of the keys to getting out of these times is action. Take a shower. Call a friend. Leave the house. But you'd be amazed my how much better you can feel just by picking up the pencil and drawing something. Or grabbing a pen and jotting crap down in your CTJ. (What? You don't have a CTJ? Get your ass to Wal-Mart, composition notebooks are on sale for 40 cents!) 

It's not easy to draw pretty things when your thoughts and emotions aren't pretty. And you know what? I don't have to. I don't have to pretend in any of my journals, ever. BUT. This one is going to be specifically for the times I don't feel like making art. Journaling. Whatever. When my arms are too heavy to move and my thoughts are too heavy in my head.