Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father's Day

I recently read a blog post by a man who went ON and ON and freaking ON about last names. His family's last name was changed at Ellis Island (who's wasn't?!?) and he kept talking about how it was something fathers pass down to their children and ESPECIALLY their sons how it was this wonderful thing and connected sons to fathers and honestly, I wanted to vomit.

A NAME does NOT make a father. Do people really not understand what Shakespeare was saying with his super famous rose quote: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Basically that means: get the fuck over what something is called. It doesn't mean anything except what we DECIDE it means. My last name comes from an Italian grandfather that I never met and a father who abandoned my brother and I when I was a child.

I KEPT my name when I got married. I didn't take my husband's name, because I believe, firmly, that my name is my own. Why would I change it? It has NOTHING TO DO with my father or his family. It is the ONLY thing he gave me. Is that really something a man is proud of? "Sure I have a couple of kids out there. Nope, haven't seen them in twenty-five years, didn't go to either of their weddings, and I'll never meet my grandkids, but hey, at least they have my last name."

My son has BOTH last names. Does that make my husband less of a father? He takes Liam fishing, to the park, to the movies, they're season ticket holders for the Twins, he feeds the kid, gives him baths, washes his dirty underwear and stuffs it in his drawers when it's clean, but dang it, if only he'd been more of an ass when we were filling out the birth certificate. Oh, wait - HE filled out the birth certificate because I was sleeping off thirty hours of labor.

So, to the people who think your name is more important than being there for your child - thank GOD you're not around filling your kids' heads with your dumb ass ideas. To the ones who wipe butts and noses and kiss booboos and drive to hockey practice before dawn - Happy Father's Day.


  1. Best Father's Day post ever. Thank you for saying these things. I'm sure it's not easy for everyone to hear, but it's so true.

    1. I wish I wasn't so angry at my father for how he treated us, but I am. I was never anything more to him than a wage garnishment.