Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Is this peace?

Some of you guys know that I've been staying at home with my son since he was not quite two years old. Now, I know LOTS of people who LOVE being at home with their kids. More power to ya. I have never loved it. I like being busy and I like being out of the house. Carless, jobless, and being with a toddler twenty-four hours a day has been difficult for me. A non-napping, non-eating, willful, too-smart toddler and an introvert who prefers spending time alone, our journey has not been a smooth one. Normally after days of being stuck inside with Liam I'm cranky and irritable and can't wait for a break, but last week I spend a day doing mostly nothing. Sure, I took Liam for a run and did some homework, and probably the dishes. But considering my pre-Minnesota days usually went like this: gym, work, gym and/or two to seven mile walk, dinner at my parents' or with friends, then home for several hours of quilting, a bath, an hour or two of reading in bed, and six hours of sleep before going back to the gym, my days for the past three and a half years have felt like "doing nothing". I can't and don't clean incessantly. No, I don't care if my husband comes home to a messy house

But this one day I realized I didn't feel cranky or irritable. For a minute I panicked - was I getting LAZY? Is this what lazy was? To do nothing and not feel like a loser? Or is it just contentment? Content with being exactly where I am and exactly when I am. I'm Goog. A stay-at-home mom with dirty floors and a kid who spends more time playing legos and watching Spongebob than doing anything else. I gotta say, laziness or just contentment, I like it better than cranky.

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